Maybe your youngest threw a fit because her socks felt funny in her shoes. Maybe your oldest got attitude with you for the millionth time today. Maybe your little boy just tracked mud through the whole house. Maybe the dog just knocked over his water bowl sending water searing across the hardwood floor. Maybe dishes are piling up. Maybe the laundry is overflowing. Maybe your forgot to send your mom's birthday card out, hey let's be honest, you probably forgot to buy one. Maybe those bills are piling up and you just got off the phone with a bill collector. Maybe you just got that news you've been dreading. And grocery shopping is the last thing you want to do.
Whatever it was, it was enough. Enough for me to see that heavy cloud hanging over you and your minivan. So there you are, parked, and you start unloading all your children hurrying them along. I couldn't hear what you were saying, but I saw your arm making rapid rotations frantically trying to get them out with pleading, yet daring eyes. Pleading with them to hurry, but daring them to cross you one more time today.
I really wasn't meaning to stare, honestly, but to tell you the truth, you weren't doing much to hide your irritation. It is compelling, like a car wreck, you feel bad for the situation, but you can't hep but look. If I'm really honest, it made me feel better about myself and my parenting.
Let's move forward...you head to the door, your little ducklings in tow. One on your hip, a few more straggling behind. You are taking large strides, calling over your shoulder for the others to keep up "unless you want to be flattened like a pancake by a car." Did you really just say that to your kid? Way to instill unwarranted fear in your children! How about slowing down and walking next to them across the walkway. *Geez*
Woo-hoo! You made it inside the store with all your children unharmed. I'd say that's a successful trip so far! Oh great, here comes the nightmare...putting your children in the shopping cart. As you sling the little one on your hip off to put them in the cart, they stiffen up and start
I get my cart slowly, trying not to cross paths with you or get too close. I have a feeling you're about to blow. Then I hear it..."Mommy, I've got to go to the bathroom."
I really feel like, for a moment, time ceased to be. A strange aura fell over the entrance to that store, people around me quit moving and I turned in slow motion to see your face. Then it happened, you grew red, it started in your neck and traveled it's way up. You snapped around to that kid and let them have it, lecturing them on why they didn't go before you left the house, you told them to go, they didn't listen, they never listen to you, nobody ever listens to you!
Whoa! I hurried past you. I did not want to stick around for that. As I walked away, being careful to avoid eye contact, I definitely felt better about my parenting skills.
Truth is...I thought about you a lot through the day. I couldn't get you out of my head.
Truth is...that mother was me.
Disclaimer: This story is not true. Now, I am not saying that I did not pull bits and pieces of real-life scenarios, but in all, it was fabricated. I have read several blogs lately of open letters to parents from other parents who have simply "observed" their behavior toward their children. They have been well-written, well-intentioned, thought out, great points, and, honestly, I agree with them whole-heartedly. However, I feel we get so quick to write our letters to these parents without once thinking about what they are going through or the times we looked just like them. Maybe it's because the beam in our eye is clouding our view (Matthew 7:3). Or maybe we want to feel better about our parenting skills by allowing comparison to rear its ugly head. Truth is, I think we should talk kind to our children, build them up, love them, respect them as human beings, etc., etc., but never stroke our own ego at the expense of another mom or dad's bad day.
When we see that parent struggling to keep the kids in line or they have a distraught countenance, stop and say a pray for them, because we've all been there. We've all felt overwhelmed, alone, stressed, depressed, tired, etc. We are all in this parenting thing together, keep the judging eyes and comments to yourself.
When I said that I feel better about my parenting skills when I see parents like that, I was being honest. I do feel better, not because I feel superior to them, but because I'm humbled knowing that I'm not alone. I mess up, a lot, but I love my children passionately and one bad day at the grocery store does not define me or my love for them.
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